With the move of Spank-O-Matic to my Orgasm Alley domain, I've added a flexible shopping cart system for your ordering convenience. The cart allows complete configuration of each model with just a few clicks, providing all of the options I believe enhance each individual machine. Shipping calculations are presently online by broad regions of the world... please select the region that most closely matches your location. If the cart significantly overestimates your actual shipping charges, I will refund the difference. If you select the best zone and the cart undershoots, I'll eat it. If you're outside the available zones or would like a guaranteed accurate shipping quote, please contact me to order.

This site provides a wealth of information to assist in your purchase decision, and I stand behind every word. I'll also gladly assist you personally, if you'd like. The contact link provides complete information about contacting me with questions or to ask for advice. I am here to serve you, the customer.

Your Spank-O-Matic quote will include a flat shipping charge based on your location. This charge is based on actual cost to me, plus a small upcharge to offset the cost of packaging materials. I don't try to make money on shipping... I just try not to lose too much!

I pack with passion: I want my creations to arrive in your hands in pristine condition. To that end, I use a range of protective packaging including doubled cartons, bubble wrap, styrofoam peanuts, extra cardboard, and lots of tape. Many of the external cartons are recycled and may exhibit evidence of prior use. There will be no existing crushing damage to the carton. Please examine the outside of your carton upon reciept, and save all packaging materials until a visual inspection confirms the safe arrival of the unit. Alert me to any transit problem, and we'll discuss the best way to resolve it.

All packages go out devoid of external indications of contents. Shipper fields, when required, describe the contents as "animatronics driver." International shipments include documentation of this purpose. Return address is in my name. No one will know a thing! ;)

In the US, your Spank-O-Matic arrives via UPS Ground, unless you need special arrangements such as delivery to a PO Box. Canadian customers receive their units via UPS Standard. Tracking information will be provided via email after your unit ships out. All Spank-O-Matics are shipped with signature confirmation required, so please have someone available to sign for your package. All other International orders ship USPS Global Express, which does not provide in-transit tracking (while Air Parcel Post is less expensive and only a little slower, insurance limits present too much risk). All International duties, taxes, and so on are the customer's responsibility at time of receipt. International shipments are declared and insured at actual value... I will not ship commercial items as gifts or reflecting reduced value.

Orgasm Alley gladly accepts American Express, Discover, Master Card, and VISA securely over the web, by phone, and by mail. Never email your credit card information to anyone! Required information: card number, expiration date, security code, billing address, ship-to address, email address. Use the Contact link at the top of each page for phone and email information.

Cashier's check, money order, or personal/business check (10 day hold on personal/business) may also be mailed in... please email for address information. Finally, if you'd like to pay via wire transfer I can provide the relevant information upon request.

All payments are accepted in US Dollars only. With any payment method, please provide your email address. I use this as the key field for my work queue and other order tracking, and use email for payment and shipment confirmations. I work on a paid-in-full-upfront basis (authorization, in the case of credit cards). That's a policy I don't have much flexibility on.

This section is very simple: your privacy is absolutely guaranteed. I do not sell or otherwise share/distribute any customer information. Orgasm Alley does not spam, and in fact does not use collected email addresses in any manner. No customer information is accessible from the Internet. No testimonial will include name, contact information or detailed location.

I guarantee that, unless otherwise stated or agreed, the pictures and descriptions of the item you order will fairly and accurately represent the item you actually receive. If your item does not meet your needs and expectations and the fault for that is mine, let me know and I'll take care of it. Should the fault be yours, also let me know... we'll work something out. My goal is exceptionally satisfied customers across the board.

Spank-O-Matics do not come with a formal warrantee. However, I stand behind my products (it can be dangerous to stand in front of them!) and take care of my customers.

The items offered for sale on and through this web site are sold as novelties and collector's items. Sartan and Sartan's Workshop make no warrantee, expressed or implied, as to the fitness of any product to perform any task. The buyer assumes all risk of use of purchased product. Safety is the user's responsibility.