You can place your order online, through the mail, or over the phone. If you'd like to discuss your needs, email is the most effective way to ask questions and receive advice. You're also welcome to call me at 888.380.8840 as described on the Contact page.

Absolutely! I'm not a computer security guru, and don't pretend to be. Orgasm Alley uses a third party shopping cart hosted on servers continually maintained to the highest available security standards. Actual credit card entry is performed through a gateway of equally high security. No information is ever maintained in or transmitted through an accessible environment.

Orgasm Alley accepts American Express, Discover, MasterCard, Visa, cashiers check, money order, personal/business check (10 day hold) and wire transfer. More detail about these payment methods is available on the Ordering page.

I work on a paid-in-full-upfront basis. Credit card payments are authorized at time of order, and charged 1-2 days prior to shipment. For all other forms of payment, I do require money in hand to log your order to the work board.

My lead time depends on current backlog and life more generally (I'm a family man, after all!). Lead time is typically 10-14 days -- but might be longer -- from receipt of payment to outbound shipment. I provide a current estimate with each quote, if it differs from that standard.

Orgasm Alley warranty and satisfaction guarantee both apply to the SOM II. Check out the OA Policies Page. Limited lifetime warranty, satisfaction guaranteed, and privacy guaranteed.

Spank-O-Matics ship via UPS Ground in the United States, UPS Standard to Canada, and via USPS Global Express Mail to International destinations. In all cases, shipments are insured for full value.

Yes. Canada and almost anywhere the USPS goes... about 150 countries worldwide. Orgasm Alley does reserve the right to refuse an order based on required shipment to select countries. That includes Nigeria, so please stop emailing me that your Prince Regent Head Honcho has died leaving millions for the purchase of sex machines ;).

Shipping charge varies by destination. In the Continental US, the SOM ships via UPS Ground for $35 as long as you're not using a PO Box to take delivery. International shipping is estimated by the shopping cart, and I'll refund the difference if this amount is significantly over actual costs. I'm not looking to make a profit on shipping.

No way! You will receive a brown box with no indication of what's inside. The return address is my name and address. International shipments do require a description of contents. Spank-O-Matics are "animatronics drivers."

UPS Ground is normally a 1 to 5 day service. UPS Standard to Canada is a 4-10 day service. UPS provides tracking capabilities, and an accurate delivery date is available the day after I ship your package.

USPS Global Express Mail, used for International deliveries, is normally a 3-5 day service. Like most USPS delivery estimates, that's optimistic by a day or two in my experience. Among other issues, in-country carriers have been known to cause additional delays. Global Express Mail service does not have real tracking capabilities.

Note that all SOM units may ship with "signature required." Please have someone available to sign for your delivery.

Yes, with any small voltage converter the SOM II is perfectly happy on 220 VAC. You do need to supply 110 VAC to the machine, so a converter is mandatory on a 220 VAC power grid. Hertz is not an issue with the SOM II.

Please see Vital Statistics section on individual model pages, as weight varies by model.

Some assembly is required. Assembly is relatively simple, requires no tools, and is described in detail in included documentation.

Operation of the SOM II itself is very quiet. Both the compressor and strikes will be significantly louder than the machine. Compressors vary widely, and of course only make noise when running. The Senco compressor I recommend is extremely quiet in operation.

The Spank-O-Matic II can strike extremely hard. At the system's maximum air pressure of 125 PSI, over 250 pounds of force shoot the paddle forward in a smooth burst of power. I haven't ever spanked anyone over about 110 PSI. The XP model doubles the mechanical components and provides additional accelleration and power. With its twin cylinders, the SOM II XP delivers over 500 pounds of striking power at 125 PSI.

Please see the SOM II product page for "more information" links, including a page referencing videos for your viewing pleasure. You'll also see the SOM II in a cameo appearance this season in Showtime's Californication, although only as a prop.

The SOM II is extremely adjustable, and built to work in any orientation or position. The head unit and attached paddle adjust from floor level up to about 36" high. The head swivels to point the paddle in any direction, including swinging upward from a low position. The stand legs adjust independantly and can be offset by any amount.

The head unit attaches and adjusts on its mount with a structural pipe fitting, using an included 1/4" hex key. All other assembly and adjustment is accomplished using industrial channel and matching channel nuts, secured with easy-to-use hand knobs. This creates very firm and strong settings that are infinitely variable.

In the manual mode, there is no minimum... the machine will happily wait for a button press for minutes or even hours. The minimum striking pace in the automatic modes is 4 per minute, or 15 seconds between strikes. In either case, the system enforces a minimum 1/2 second paddle recovery time. Add this the the time to make an actual stroke and the top speed is about 90 strokes per minute.

Yes. As you might expect, a Spank-O-Matic can deliver a decent whack. It is the user's responsibility to avoid strikes to areas where damage may occur, including the lower back and tailbone. While breasts are certainly another possible target, care should obviously be taken to avoid the entire head and ribcage.

Additionally, Spank-O-Matics should not generally be operated without a target that stops the spank arms' path. While the SOM II is designed to withstand this treatment, repeated use without a target is likely to harm the unit. Component damage from operation without a target is not covered under any applicable warantee.

Setup options are limited only by your imagination. A prone position on the floor, with or without a pillow or cushion to elevate the rear, is excellent for extended play. Variations on a bench, chair, or table are also popular. You can stand or even hang from the ceiling! This represents only a small subset of possible configurations, however.