Robospanker's Comparison Table, June 11 2009

Robospanker Product Page Text, July 7
Robospanker Second Page Text, July 7

The RS July 7 update includes some claims about "pioneers" and "followers," and the implication and OA lacks experience in development relative to DD Machinery. Let's be clear... I've been designing and building spanking machines for a decade, and delivering commercial machines since sometime in 2002. During that time, I've built and played with both electromechanical and pneumatic spankers in many different designs. Three of those -- the SOM, the SOM Flexor, and the SOM MAX -- went commercial between 2002 and 2005. The SOM II was released in 2009. It came about when I finally made the leap to computer-controlled pneumatics, which give the SOM II its tremendous capabilities.

Beyond the spanking machine line, you may know I'm one of the world's foremost designers and bulders of sex machines. The Orgasm Alley sex machine line started in 2000, numbers more that 20 models, and has sales in the thousands worldwide. This robust design and fabrication expertise shows in the SOM II, a finely crafted and intelligently designed spanking machine.

None of this "followed" DD Machinery. I'm not sure when they released the Robospanker... their site was registered in 2002, and I first learned of it from the Howard Stern show in 2005. I'll let you judge the relative merits of the two machines, but don't be fooled by any claim that I lack machine design expertise, or that there aren't years and years of experience behind the SOM II.

If you compare sale prices, the correct values as of this writing are $750 for the SOM II and $695 for the RS. If you compare list prices, the SOM II is $800 and the RS is $1045. The only way to fairly compare the two is to present either the sale price or list price for both machines. I elected to present the list prices in my table -- as is a general tradition for such things -- since a sale price will change more frequently.

The SOM II certainly could be powered by a bulky and noisy compressor... any air compressor will work, including one that is both of these things. A completely silent passive air tank will power the machine as well. My recommended compressor weighs 20 pounds, is roughly a cubic foot in bulk, and produces 67 decibels of noise (in the range of normal conversation), and that minimal noise is only during the 35 second recharge period. This compressor is neither bulky nor noisy. In fact, a complete SOM II with the Senco compressor weighs about 60 pounds. The RS I have was factory packed and weighed by UPS at 92 pounds. While the 20 pound, one cubic foot compressor with convenient carry handle is the largest component of the SOM II, when disassembled the RS's main body is a massive 70+ pound box measuring 37" x 14" x 10".

In the July 7 update, the RS folks swapped their table for some text that claims air compressors and pneumatics present a consumer health risk. This claim is totally laughable, and isn't even supported in their own pair of references. First, let's note that hundreds of thousands of construction workers, contractors, and consumers use air compressors and pneumatic tools every day. Air compressors are a mass-market product available from places as diverse as Home Depot and Walmart. They come with a comprehensive list of warnings, right down to "don't smoke while spraying paint" for the ultra-stupid and every other imaginable issue they want to protect themselves against. Here are some manuals for consumer air compressors, NONE of which refer to the supposed "health risks" the RS folks want to create:

First, DD Machinery wants to claim that breathing oil mist output by compressor/pneumatics exhaust is a health risk. To support that, they provide a link to a Hyfoma article selling food-grade lubricant. This article discusses the risk of food contamination by exhausted oils in processing plants (that means some oil gets on the food). What in the world does that have to do with a pneumatic spanker, or any other consumer use of an air compressor? Nothing! What are the facts? The worldwide standard for safety information about any material is the Material Safety Data Sheet or MSDS. Simple research will reveal that even industrial usage the MSDS targets, which creates levels vastly exceeding that any home user could, indicates a lack of danger. Some representative quotes, with links to full MSDS for several compressor oils, make it clear that "health risk of oil inhalation" is a myth:

Next, DD Machinery claims there is a "bacteria risk," supporting this one with a link to JUN-AIR compressor sales page for the dental market. Any little bit of web research will quickly reveal that bacterial concerns about air compressors are specific to very low bacteria environments... dental, hospital, food processing, and delivering breathing air. Obviously, these uses have much different bacterial concerns than a home. Where are the concerns for consumer or industrial users? They don't exist. Not even the compressor manuals (see above) list anything about bacterial concerns. Instead, the manual describes venting water from the tank (a very simple 10 second operation) to avoid rusting. Apparently, DD machinery should read the manual for their compressor.. it appears they didn't vent the water from their air tank for eight months!

The supposed health risks of pneumatics proposed by the Robospanker people in the July 7 update are fabrications, utterly unsupported in fact. There is no published information that reflects oil inhalation or bacterial health risks assoicated with any consumer use of air compressors or pneumatics, no matter what DD Machiery wants to claim. Please review compressor manuals, MSDSs, Google searches, and any other informational source and see for yourself.

For the RS: "Optional variable speed vibrator or variable speed sex machine on bench." Are we talking about the spanking machine here? I assure you the SOM II will work just fine on someone with a vibrator, or on a bench with a sex machine. Futher, the flexibility of the SOM II will allow the use of a broader variety of additional play than the RS can accommodate.

Manual (adj): of, relating to, or involving the hands (Merriam-Webster). A manual mode for a spanking machine means to manually initiate a stroke, hence the "manual." The Robospanker has no such mode. You turn it on, and it periodically pulls back and releases the paddle. You have no direct (AKA manual) control over striking with the RS. Striking every so often when turned on is automatic not manual, and a RS style basic periodic mode is one of eight automatic modes provided by the SOM II computer.

These two capabilities are clearly not equivalent, and if the SOM II defines "fully adjustable" then the RS is obviously not. Robospanker apparently now has adjustable legs... the comapny wrote to me that the height was fixed at 36" when I was researching facts for my own table. As it happens, the RS I have includes adjustable legs as a custom option. They'll put the paddle from about 30 to 38" off the ground, in 1" increments. That is certainly not the equal of the SOM II, and definitely not "fully adjustable." The RS website has no detailed information about the adjustability presently offered.

I lined up my two machines, the Robospanker against the wall and the SOM II in front of it. The following three pictures illustrate the range of adjustability of the two units. Note that there is just one paddle on the SOM II, and what looks like another is actually the shadow of the paddle's edge cast by the camera's flash. First up, both machines set to their highest position. In the middle, the RS has been lowered to its lowest position, while the SOM II is still at it's highest. Finally, I've dropped the SOM II as low as possible, so both machines are at their lowest height. I believe these pictures tell the story. As an aside, the SOM II is quick and easy to adjust. Working alone and without flipping the RS over to make the adjustment, changing the Robospanker's height was a painful experience.

I am always experimenting and have built many things that failed, but the SOM II certainly isn't one of them. It kicks ass. No product I've taken commercial has "failed." The SOM II has been in its final form since about 6 weeks prior to release at the beginning of May 2009. The statement written in the Robospanker table doesn't resemble any truth.

Stating the SOM II has no warranty is also untrue, although I did find and correct this legacy information on my SOM subsite. The SOM II comes with the same lifetime warranty that backs every machine from Orgasm Alley, and the same satisfaction guarantee as well.

Ginger's blog entry about her TASSP encounter with the SOM II, linked on the SOM II page for all (including Robospanker dude) to see, is about as nice an endorsement as one could have, closing with the following from a skeptic: "I was actually thoroughly impressed with this machine. It wasn't a pansy machine - it actually delivered quite a good wallop!" That's not an endorsement?

First, the Robospanker table would like to demote the entire idea of compressed air as a power source. They claim it is bulky and noisy, debunked above. Next, there is the thought that you must "wait on air compressor to build up" to start your session. Well, that's perhaps a minute, although my own always has the pressure from my last session in it so it's immediately ready to go. Most insidious, however, it the thought that "force and speed changes as air pressure drops." This sort of thing makes it clear that they have never operated a SOM II.

There a narrow band of circumstance when it's true that force changes as pressure drops, although this depends on the compressor and most particularly the play involved. Claiming it to be the case generally is totally untrue. Essentially, play can exceed a small compressor. Even the diminutive and very quiet Senco compressor will keep up with the vast majority of play, however... up to about 90 PSI at a stroke every 2 seconds, in my experience. 110 PSI strokes can be delivered about every 3 seconds with the Senco. These are VERY strong hits. At the vast majority of power levels, play at any speed will have strokes of consistent force. For those wishing to play at the highest levels, certainly exceeding the capabilities of the Robospanker, a somewhat larger compressor (rated about 1.2 CFM at 90 PSI) will fully power the SOM II at any level.

Note that all of the above discussed the "force" comment. The speed of the SOM II is dictated by the onboard computer, and does not change under any condition. The unit's speed is not related to the air supply as falsely implied.

Next are the positions supported by each machine. Robospanker dude has taken my observation that the SOM II can work on a person in positions like "bench, bed, floor, standing, etc" and applied it to both machines. The Robospanker is basically limited in positioning by the fact that it's paddle is fixed roughly parallel to the floor, and 36" up from the surface it's standing on (height adjustable now, apparently, but it's not clear the range... lets say every inch from 30 to 38" off the ground). This severely restricts the positions with which it can be used, period.

I don't know what they mean for Robospanker to position someone "bed" or "floor." I'll freely agree that the RS will work with someone standing (if it's height-adjustable and they're not short) or on a bench (or any other piece of furniture used as a bench and within a limited range of height). The SOM II will work on a person lying on a bed, because it's paddle can be oriented vertically to strike down upon a prone person's buttocks. The SOM II will work on a person lying on the floor, because it'll also adjust so the paddle strike zone is mere inches from the ground. The only way the Robospanker will work in either of these positions is if you have a pair of strong men hold the machine vertically so the paddle strikes up-and-down. Simply not going to happen. I challenge the Robospanker manufacturer to prove me wrong by putting up (or emailing) photos of the Robospanker spanking a person who is lying on the floor. They saw this text by June 20 at the latest... yet no pictures.

Here is a brief gallery showing a bit of the positioning flexibility offered by the SOM II. The paddle can be oriented at any height and any angle... infinitely variable. Making each change shown here took seconds. It's worth noting that the SOM II is not "right handed" like the RS but fully ambidextrous... the paddle can hang off either side of the vertical member, and could even turn to face partly or fully sideways in the pictures below.

As I'm sure the folks at Robospanker know, solo play is an important use of a spanking machine. Many customers buy a machine to play alone, either because they don't presently have a partner to spank them, or because they simply don't want a partner spanking. Even those with partners enjoy the solo features of a spanker, since you can "set and forget" the machine while doing other things with/to your partner. From a marketing standpoint, this is a vital category, and I'm sure thought went into the wording here.

First, what are the capabilities of the Robospanker for solo play? Well, you can certainly use it alone. Turn it on and it will deliver a whap every so often. Optionally, you can add an Intermatic springwound timer like this one (timer at Home Depot) for $30 when you order the RS. It will cut off power to the RS after a set amount of time, up to 15 minutes after it is set. This option, from my Robospanker, is shown below through the rear hatch. A similar capability could easily be added to the SOM II with a discreet timer that doesn't need to be integrated with the machine, such as this digital timer for $20. Plug the timer into the wall and SOM II into the timer, and the machine will operate normally until the timer cuts of power (up to hours later, if you're crazy). As solo play goes, that's not very interesting. The RS table next points out some time delay cuffs on the spanking bench. I can't find any information about this on the RS site, and again it's not a feature of the spanking machine but the separate bench. A bench with such cuffs could -- obviously -- be used with the SOM II as well.

Next, what features does the SOM II provide for solo play? They'd like to summarized them with the phrase "hand control." It is true that every feature can be adjusted from the hand control:

- Infinite control over the striking power, without getting up to reach into the guts of the machine and select one of three power levels as with RS. The solo player can instantly adjust the power without even stopping the machine.
- Infinite control over the timing between strokes, which you have as a custom option with my RS and maybe a current standard unit. Note that it's not the same, though. The timing setting on my SOM II is numbered and adjsuts between known values (which depend on the selected automatic mode), while the RS knob is unlabeled and relates only generally as faster and slower.
- Selection of a variety of automatic modes, or you can deliver the strikes manually by hitting a button for each one.

Unlike the RS, with the SOM II you can actually let the machine take control over the spanking, leaving you guessing what comes next... the computer can change the timing of the strokes ,the power of the strokes, or both. You can have it deliver individual strokes or bursts of them, or intersperse bursts with regular stroking in an unpredictable random manner. While it's true that "hand control" might include all of this rich functionality, it's not a very realistic comparison. In point of fact, the SOM II has vastly more functionality for solo play, and was built in large part to meet those needs. It also seems worth noting that the SOM II hand control is well-made, professional in appearance, and clearly labelled. You can judge for yourself how if compares to the RS control, from my own model.

As I noted, I traded a customer a SOM II for his Robospanker to help him out, and to check out the competition in more detail. This gentleman couldn't move his customized 2006 Robospanker upstairs due to its size and weight, and was quite interested in the rich feature set of the SOM II. That's how I ended up with a RS, brand new in its original box.. right down to the original invoice for $1059. As I understand it, this machine was customized with a bigger motor, faster stroking, 20' hand control, timer, and somewhat adjustable legs.

It arrived extremely well-packed in a quite sizable box. The original label listed it for 70 pounds, but the second shipment by the UPS Store noted a weight of 92 pounds... UPS upcharges over 70 pounds, so I suspect that was an attempt to avoid some shipping charges in the original transit. It took a while and made a mess, but I finally had the Robospanker unpacked. The legs bolt on, so I retrieved the necessary tools and tightenned them down. Luckily, a friend was handy to help me flip the machine right-side up, as it is both large and heavy.

Reviewing the manual and the machine itself, the operation of the machine was simple. Adjusting the spanking power involves moving a bolt from hole to hole inside the machine, through an access hatch in the back. This applies more of less tension to a rubber bungee cord. The three power settings provide little adjustability, and it is inconvenient to change the unit's power. The timer is also available through this hatch. In my version of the RS, the hand control is permanently attached to the machine and its cord is sheathed in some heavy vinyl tubing. The hand control is very basic and unadorned... there's no labeling for the knob positions, and the knob itself seems to point randomly. Turn the knob and the machine goes faster or slower. This remote speed feature is not shown in the manual or on the current website, so I'm not sure if it is standard now or not. The manual identifies a slide adjuster inside the unit to control speed, which would be impossible to access while using the machine alone. In addition to the hand control's switch, there's a timer switch that changes operation to the hand control or timer. Three paddles were included, made from a black plastic 1/4" thick.

Naturally, it was time for some testing... subject = girlfriend ;). Adjusting the height of the machine is painful and best done as a two-person job. One person holds up one end of the machine while the other removes a pair of bolts. You can then slide the leg to another of the several positions, and reapply the bolts before moving to the other end. It was simpler to have her stand on a phonebook. I attached one of the paddles, plugged the machine in, and reached underneath to connect the bungee to the "low" setting.

The control system is OK. I was able to start and stop the machine from the hand control and adjust it's smacking speed. After a little adjustment and adaptation, everything lined up just fine and the machine worked OK. It was quiet, but not very effective. The RS suffers from the same problem I encountered... a single layer of 1/4" polycarbonate for a paddle is too weak and floppy. It whips around unpredictably in use, delivering inconsistent swatting. This problem is compounded at higher speeds, where the rapid strike/withdraw cycle gets in its own way. I suspect the machine would be greatly improved with a thicker paddle, such as the 3/8" Lexan I selected for the SOM II. This problem was reduced somewhat by attaching two paddles to support each other, but the abrupt retraction and striking motions made these paddles whack into each other adding a good deal of noise to the play.

Overall, my personal feelings are that the Robospanker suffers some design/operational issues. It's too large and heavy to move around much, unless you've got two people to do it. There is very little adjustability in the striking power, and as noted making this adjustment is a chore. The "low" setting was about right for my test subject (she's a wimp ;), but would be the only setting she could use. The floppy paddle delivers an inferior user experience... in fact, much of the machine's design isn't very user friendly.

Having looked this machine over and done what testing I'd like to do, it is for sale. Robospanker with the options listed above, three paddles, in very near new condition. There is one dent/ding in the hardboard side of the machine from one of the shipments it's had so far. I'll sell it for $400 plus the actual shipping cost.

Of course, I'm quite biased. I can't help it... but I did design the SOM II to meet the needs I see in the spanking machine area. I believe it addresses most of the issues I found in the Robospanker. Here's what you might experience, based on many sessions with the SOM II.

I usually pack my SOM II in a hard-sided golf bag, wrapped in a blanket to protect the parts from banging into each other. It's easy to roll or carry about, as the whole thing weighs in at about 40 pounds including the case. There's also the compressor, which is very easy to carry around. Pulling out the parts and assembling the machine takes about 3 minutes.... if I leave it assembled, it's still easy to move around and takes no time to assemble. Two pieces plug into the wall -- the compressor and SOM II head -- and an air line off the head plugs into the compressor. Finally, the hand control plugs easily into the head unit.

The SOM II paddles or cane unit attach quite similarly to the Robospanker... two 1/4" bolts hold the implement to the striking arm. Based on the position I'll be using, I can precisely adjust the height of the head unit with hand knobs to exactly what I want. Then, the 1/4" hex key lets me angle and swing the paddle to any orientation required. You can literally position this machine any way you need it, without constraint on angle or height... no preset positions and so forth.

In use, the SOM II is a joy. It's like a fine instrument with every option available at your fingertips. You can switch seamlessly from light to hard, fast to slow, or change from manual to your choice of automatic modes and back again. You can instantly stop the machine at any time, start it up again... you have total control from the well-labelled hand unit. I generally start a session using rather low pressure out of the compressor, perhaps 30 PSI (about the "medium" setting on the RS). This provides very fine control over the power through the hand unit. I might then bump the pressure (and therefore power) substantially, but a session will typically have none or one adjustment at the compressor. Of course, the SOM II is just as quick and easy to reposition. Move to any desired location or position during a session and quickly adapt the machine to the proper setup.

At the end of a session, the SOM II packs neatly away into the golf bag again, or could be disassembled a bit and hidden under a bed or in a closet. If I'll be using it again before long, I might carry it to the closet and leave it fully assembled. Having the machine break down is highly convenient for movement, storage, and so forth. The heaviest part of a complete setup is the compressor, so anyone can move the unit around. I also have a stand-alone 10 gallon air tank that I can fill for later use anywhere. It's good for over 100 medium whacks.