Your purchase includes a standardized shipping charge based on the model ordered and your location. Domestic (US) shipments ship for the standard charge stated on each model page. International shipments use a multiple of this amount depending on the destination country. I've tried to fairly assess shipping fees, and should I overshoot significantly I'll refund the difference to you.

In the US, your machine arrives via UPS Ground (*), unless you need special arrangements such as delivery to a PO Box. Tracking information will be provided via email after your unit ships out. Every unit shipment goes out with signature required, so please have someone available to sign for your package.

Orders to Canada ship UPS Standard (*), and may also be tracked in-transit. All other International orders ship USPS Global Express, which does not provide significant in-transit tracking. All International duties, taxes, and so on are the customer's responsibility at time of receipt. All shipments are declared and insured at actual value.

I pack with passion: I want my creations to arrive in your hands in pristine condition. To that end, I use a range of protective packaging including doubled cartons, bubble wrap, styrofoam peanuts, extra cardboard, and lots of tape. Some external cartons are recycled and may exhibit evidence of prior use. Please examine the outside of your carton upon reciept, and save all packaging materials until a visual inspection confirms the safe arrival of the unit. There will be no existing crushing damage to the carton and no punctures. If you see such evidence, please write "exception: damage" directly above your siganture. Please alert me to any transit problem, and we'll discuss the best way to resolve it.

All packages go out devoid of external indications of contents. Shipper fields, when required, describe the contents as "linear driver." International shipments include documentation of this purpose. Return address is in my name. No one will know a thing! ;)

(*) Fucking Chairs are too large for standard shipping and packing methods. These units are crated, ship common carrier, and arrive fully assembled and ready to use (dildo excluded, as you're probably sick of hearing by now!). Fucking Chairs are not generally available outside the US, due to riculously high freight charges. If you're desperate to receive a Fucking Chair to your International destination, please email me.

I understand that it is difficult to spend a significant amount of money for a product based on words and images on a computer screen, particularly when it's an item you may not be sure is for you! It would be a huge leap of faith to demand your commitment to a purchase sight unseen -- and performance untested -- by saying "once you open that package, it's yours no matter what you think of it bub!" I believe you are looking at the finest sex machines available, and stand behind that statement with the OA Satisfaction Guarantee. If you are not satisfied with your sex machine, you may return it in near-new condition within 30 days of receipt for a full refund of the purchase price less a $150 refurbish and restocking fee, no questions asked. Shipping is excluded from refund, and any damage to the machine will reduce the refunded amount based on repair/replacement cost.

Returns must be authorized in advance. Outbound return shipment must be made within 30 days of delivery date as recorded by UPS. Refund will be made to the same credit card used to purchase the machine, or by mailed check for all other purchase methods. Due to International trade restrictions, refund is not available to International customers. Customized machines are also excluded from refund, including but not limited to all Fucking Chairs.

I guarantee that, unless otherwise stated or agreed, the pictures and descriptions of the item you order will fairly and accurately represent the item you actually receive. My goal is exceptionally satisfied customers across the board. I take care of my customers.

Every OA machine is warranted free of material and manufacturing defects for 90 days from date of receipt. Any replacement or repair required during this period will be fully covered, including all shipping fees via UPS Ground or other carrier at the sole discretion of Orgasm Alley, unless mistreatment/misuse is determined to be the cause. All shipments orinating from the customer should be packaged in a manner approximating that you received and insured to the full value of components returned. Repair/replacement due to improper handling or use, caused in transit by carrier, or at any time beyond the warranty period will be executed swiftly and at reasonable cost.

This section is very simple: your privacy is absolutely guaranteed. I do not sell or otherwise share/distribute any customer information. Orgasm Alley does not spam. No customer information is accessable from the Internet. No testimonial will include name, contact information or detailed location. All testimonial text is unsolicited, used solely with the permission of the author, and author retains the right to withdraw such permission at any time.