It was inevitable that the country shipping millions of vibrators a month to the States would eventually come up with a sex machine. As you may know, China has an entry in the sex machine market. Imported under the TOPCO brand, this machine beautifully illustrates the main points of this article. After emailing quite a few resellers about this product -- most of whom couldn't answer the simplest of questions -- I've collected a few facts, but by no means a complete picture. Given it's widespread availability, I find them worth sharing. One of the vendors even asked me to share anything I find out!

Read about this machine in as many places as possible and you're still unlikely to have any real information. The descriptions (most of which are identical and obviously provided by the importer) are pure marketing-speak, with little or no factual content. The stroke length is occasionally noted as 3", although one vendor who actually measured the movement reported 2-1/2". It comes with "6 attachments," although only three of them actually go on the machine.

No information about speed or power is available. It's clearly lacking in power, since it's very light and runs from a small lower voltage power source (cited as a "electrical adapter" but never pictured). The attachments that connect to the machine are all quite small, which is also indicative of low power. The linear motion system appears to be plastic on plastic, although that is never mentioned or pictured well.

It's definitely cheap for what you get. Although many people selling it claim something like "normally retails for $400" (or something similar, the highest I've seen is $595), the high end of actual pricing is around $330. I've seen it for a little as $199. Assuming that last vendor is making something reasonable on the deal, that implies it costs him about $160 at most. Which means it was made in China for something less than $40, vibrators and plastic dildos included.

If you have any additional accurate information about this machine, I'd certainly be interested to hear from you. It's probably the best cheap unit available, but realize that it's cheap from end-to-end. You can't use your own dildos, and no attachments are available other than those provided with it. I wouldn't expect a long life, or a particularly thrilling ride. Shop around if this is the unit you'd like to buy, since pricing varies tremendously. I don't sell it, and wouldn't dream of doing so.

You've made it this far. Perhaps you're wondering just what I conclude from all of this information... that everyone should buy from me? I'd love that, but no. I continue to believe that no machine and no machine maker has the ideal solution for every person.

What's your budget for a sex machine? If your financial position dictates a cheap machine or none at all -- and you plan to use your machine quite sparingly -- a low-cost solution might be just right for you. If, on the other hand, you want to invest in a sex machine that you'll use regularly throughout your life, I think Orgasm Alley provides outstanding soltuions for your needs. There is a reason my designs are the ones others try to copy.

"Cheap" is sometimes considered a dirty word... a bad thing. But hey, I'm cheap about a number of things. I shop at Harbor Freight for tools I use lightly or infrequently, because they're cheap. On the other hand, I buy high-end power tools and important hand tools because I use them a lot, and I need to know they'll perform. Likewise, I'm not cheap about sex machines. I weight outstanding performance and incredible satisfaction as the reasons to buy a sex machine, and strive to deliver exactly those things. Cheap isn't a bad thing. You simply need to be cheap, wisely!

Ultimately, I hope this article has made you a more informed sex machine shopper. I firmly believe that the more aware you are about sex machines and the relevant technology, the more likely you are to select my products over the competition. One way or the other, I think you're more likely to find the right machine for your needs.

I'll close with a topic that doesn't really fit in the body of this article, but is extremely important to selecting a sex machine. Don't skip over the vendor's policies. You'll find that pretty much everyone guarantees your privacy. That doesn't cost a thing to do. What about returns, satisfaction, warrantee, and so on? Does this vendor stand behind their products, believe in them?

Orgasm Alley and another couple top vendors guarantee your satisfaction. Buy it, try it, and if it's not for you... return it. To me, this is a critical policy for a buyer who hasn't ever used a sex machine before. If you're not sure you'll like what you buy, shouldn't you be able to return it?

Other vendors, however, have a no return policy, or a return unopened only policy which is basically the same thing. You may read something about health/safety reasons for such a policy... baloney. A very small portion of a sex machine is subject to possible contamination: any dildo (which should never be returned), dildo holder, linear arm, front of the machine. These parts/areas are readily replaced or sanitized. A returned machine should, of course, be sold as used if it's been used... that's a reduction in value that a smart businessperson will want you to cover with a "restocking" fee. However, asking you to plunk down good money for something over the Internet with no recourse if you don't like it doesn't speak well for a vendor's confidence in their offering.

What about warrantee? How long is this machine covered? WHat are the limitations of the warrantee? Who pays shipping if the machine is faulty and requires repair? All Orgasm Alley machines are waranteed free of materials and manufacturing defects for life... yours, mine, and the machine's. How about service in the event of damage, power surge, who knows what else?

Finally, and perhaps most telling, does a vendor stand behind what they say? A reasonable Internet policy -- and one you should require -- is to guarantee that one's product offerings are described accurately and completely. Orgasm Alley makes this guarantee. If a vendor won't, what are they saying (or not saying) that they refuse to stand behind financially?