It's obvious not everyone agrees that complete information is required when describing a sex machine for someone's consideration. The worst example is one widely resold unit that -- as far as I've found -- never discloses its speed range or stroke length! Since it runs from a wall wart, a distinctly limited source of power, it can't be very fast nor move very far. If it is in fact "a great fuck," surely this information is positive enough to disclose? It's not. As these two factors are the best description of a machine's ability to satisfy, make sure you know the stroke speed and length ranges of whichever machine you decide to buy.

There are other areas of missing information, of course. Failing the describe the process by which stroke length is changed, particularly when doing so is requires major surgery and a small toolkit. Never describing or depicting key aspects of a machine... its hand control, the inside construction, overall size, and so on. I touched on the "mystery" linear components issue earlier.

Overall, a lack of images seems to be the biggest part of missing information. Perhaps it's simply a lack of photography skills, but whether plunking down $200 or $5,000 I think a prospective buyer has a right to expect complete and detailed depictions of the sex machines they're considering. Demand it.

As you might suspect if you've read this far from the start, some sex machines using less than ideal components are not fully described in their marketing text. The linear motion parts -- a key factor in a machine's longevity -- are a primary target. Is the stroking shaft running through ball bearings, a low-end bushing, a simple hole through an aluminum block? If it doesn't say, it probably isn't good.

More onerous is the provision of partial information leading to a false conclusion. For example, if you only know that a machine plugs into a wall outlet and that its motor is rated for a certain draw (in amps), you can easily be mislead about the motor's size and power. Amperage alone doesn't really describe a motor very well. Amperage plus voltage is much better, but that's only input power. A motor's output may be much less if the geartrain is inefficient.

A 4 amp motor... how much power is that? If the motor draws 4 amps at 120 volts, that's a very substantial 480 watts: well over 1/2 horsepower input power! On the other hand, at least one vendor describing their machine this way uses 12 volt motors (although this is never disclosed). At 12 volts, 4 amps is only 48 watts... a bit over 1/20 horsepower, and relatively little input power. The actual ouput of such a motor will be even less. Wiper motors -- with their greaseless gearbox and bushings -- are very inefficient motors. Yet it's a "powerful 4 amp motor" in this sex machine... the marketing text says so!

If a machine you're interested in is described this way, ask the vendor for better information. Output torque is ideal, with horsepower and RPM a distant second in desirability. At the very least, you should have the draw in amps and supply voltage in volts. Amps times Volts equals Watts, and that result divided by 746 gives you horsepower. While this doesn't tell you much about output power, it will give a general idea of big vs. small.

Another big marketing problem that struck me -- particularly but not exclusively with the cheap machine folks -- is that of carefully crafted statements that seem to say one thing but actually don't.

The most common word art is something like "the power to penetrate any hole." Sounds good, right? Loads of power, penetrate any hole. Unfortunately, there's a big piece of the power/penetration equation missing... penetrate any hole with what? Almost any machine that makes a fucking motion can penetrate any hole with something the size of a pencil. Can such a machine penetrate the "tightest of holes" with something the size of an average dong? What about a bigger dildos? In reality, this statement doesn't say much at all, and certainly provides no guarantee of performance. Look for facts about power: horsepower, speed, rated torque (or peak torque, if that's all there is, but know that it's a peak rating).

What about this cute claim? "This is the quietest [or smoothest, or most powerful, or whatever] machine we know of." That's an easy claim to make if you don't "know" of many other machines. There aren't many people in a position to compare every machine on the market, and without a broad in-person exposure to such a wide range of different units statements phrased like this are devoid of value. A close cousin is to say that a machine is "the best selling" sex machine. Right. Because all the sex machine sellers have told someone how many units they sell!

Describing a machine on a stand as "fully adjustable" when it is actually adjustable for height but not angle. Claiming your machine is "vibrating" when in fact you include a vibrating dildo or bullet with a purchase. Saying you can "select any stroke length" when you really can select any of the two stroke lengths the machine provides. Using phrases like "hand crafted" to describe something that looks tacked together by a 10-year-old, or would if you could see anything in the pictures. All of these things are word art... marketing text that sounds good without saying what it seems to say.

Proceed to The Cost Equation, Part 4: The Bottom Line

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